Stressed then SAM
Over the last few weeks we have talked about the two primary mindsets that you can have on your wedding day. The inward mindset allows us to view people as objects and we are not concerned with their feelings, goals, or desires. In the outward mindset we view others as people and acknowledge that we have an impact on what they do. In an outward mindset we are so self aware of how we impact others, we look for opportunities to reach out and help. This leads us to one of our final lessons for in this series.
There is a constant pull and tug between the mindsets. When we are in very high stress situations we tend to gravitate back to what is comfortable or what we are used to. Unfortunately, for most people in the world, what we are used to is the inward mindset.
How can you tell when it has taken over?
There are some common signs: blaming others, feeling entitled, or feeling like a victim. These are only just a few signs, but most importantly you need to recognize your own signs and symptoms for when you are in the inward mindset. Once you see you are in this mindset, how do you get out of it? For this, we will have to turn to SAM.
SAM is a cool little acronym we will use to describe the process that will assist us to refocus our efforts and move toward an outward mindset. So here it goes:
S- See others: The first step to seeing others is seeing others needs, wants, desires, or challenges. Then ask lots of questions and get really curious.
A- Adjust efforts: Take all of the needs and objectives into account and adjust efforts to assist.
M- Measure: Ask if you have been helpful and gauge your impact. Hold yourself accountable
This technique may prove to be difficult on your wedding day. Thinking about your mindset on a day that is stressful already is very difficult. I will offer one more word of advice to help keep you in your outward mindset. When you feel stressed or overwhelmed ask yourself: What is your mission for this day? It should be to get MARRIED!! It is not to impress your parents, in-laws, or friends. As long as your focus is on your mission, it will help to keep you in the right mindset.